Secrets for Coming to Terms with Divorce

Noel Gallagher has recently said in an interview that writing his latest album helped him to come to terms with his painful divorce after 22 years of marriage.

The former Oasis guitarist announced his separation in January this year and has been spending a great deal of time writing and recording since. He says that his personal life events give him something to articulate and can produce his ‘better art’ whilst also helping him ‘come to terms with the long-drawn-out process of divorce’.

Whilst not everyone can put their sorrow into writing music and producing the next ‘What’s the Story Morning Glory?’ (Which is still one of the best-selling albums of all time). It did get us thinking about how different people come to terms with divorce or separation, and the variety of different forms this might take.

Coming to Terms with your Divorce

If you are reading this, then you may have recently divorced or are going through the separation process and are concerned about how you will come to terms with the sudden change of circumstances. The ending of a marriage is a difficult time, particularly if you have been in a long relationship, have children together or are struggling with the emotions that divorce stirs up.

Our Divorce Lawyers see people from all walks of life when helping them through the legal process of separation. No one client is the same and it is important to recognise that everyone copes with divorce differently. Some clients come to us very distressed, struggling with their feelings, others angry and full of resentment, whereas some arrive to their appointments calm and collected, ready to deal with the separation head-on.

How Long Does it Take to Get Over a Divorce?

How long is a piece of string?

There is no timescale on how long it takes someone to acknowledge their divorce and start to move forward with their new life. It will entirely depend on the person, the circumstances of the divorce, the length of the relationship, their mental health and how they move forward.

Getting the right support and taking care of yourself will help you to come to terms with your divorce more easily, but the timescale could be months, years or even something that you must learn to live with forever.

The good news is that there is life after divorce.

Secrets for Moving on After Divorce

Whilst there isn’t a ‘one-size-fits-all’ recovery plan to help you bounce back from divorce (wouldn’t it be great if there was!) there are ways that you can help yourself to find a way forward and come to terms with the ending of your marriage.

It is important to allow yourself time to grieve and work through your emotions. There are bound to be ups and downs, good days and bad days. Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘get over it’ quickly. Instead take each day a step at a time and you will soon look back and realise that you are making small improvements week by week. The road is almost never linear. Accept setbacks and dark days whilst you navigate the divorce process and your new life.

Talking about how you are feeling is a good way to let out your emotions and find comfort in words from others. The old saying ‘a problem shared, is a problem halved’ rings true during difficult periods of your life. Seek out support through reliable friends, family or professionals if you find it easier to talk to a counsellor about your emotions. You may have friends who have been through a divorce that can offer some practical advice and be a shoulder to lean on when things are tough.

If you are particularly struggling or do not have a support network around you, then it could be worth seeking out the guidance of a professional. A therapist, life coach, counsellor or psychologist could be best placed to give you the space to share your feelings and give you some coping mechanisms to help you continue your recovery alone. There are also lots of local or national support groups for people navigating divorce. Many of these are online or held in local communities, where you can find some help. If it is the legal or financial aspects of your divorce that you need help with, then contact a trusted Family Law solicitor for best guidance.

Engaging in the arts and creativity are proven to help people take control of their mental health and express their emotions. Taking up a new creative hobby can also be a great way to find yourself, meet new people, create a routine in your life and focus your energy on something positive. Whether it is playing an instrument, painting, dancing, joining a local drama group, gardening, singing or cooking – there are many different ways that you can put the emotions you are feeling into something creative that can help you come to terms with divorce.

Many people head to the gym or take up running when a relationship ends. This might be because of the mental health benefits that exercise provides or because they want to keep into shape after their breakup. Exercise has many benefits for someone going through a divorce. It can be a good way to help you clear your head on a difficult day, an escape, a challenge, a way to meet new people, a way to channel your emotions and of course, will help you to stay healthy and sleep well. Consider a boxing class, Zumba, yoga, running or even joining a health club, netball or football team.

Dwelling on the past or giving yourself a hard time about your past relationship it not helpful. Try to forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made or things that you could have done differently and instead focus on forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to move on.

It can be helpful to get your head around the divorce process, understand your financial position and what your entitlements are. Having a clear understanding of what the next few weeks and months entail can help you to come to terms with the ending of the marriage and give you some practical sense of finality. Everything becomes less daunting if you have a level of understanding.

It is key to surround yourself with positive influences and supporters. Too much time alone, stewing over your anger or emotions can be unhealthy, so try to keep up a social life – even in times where you do not feel up to it. Seeing friends, speaking to colleagues, joining groups or attending events can help keep you busy and surrounded with people that you may need to lean on.

It may sound a bit ‘eat, pray, love’ but this is a new chapter of your life, and it’s yours to write. Many people can become trapped in a marriage or lose sight of who they are over time. Divorce is a chance to shed any negativities and re-discover your passions, what makes you happy and give thought to what you want from your future.

10. Maintain a Routine

Keeping to a healthy, daily routine is one of the best ways to prepare yourself for dealing with difficult situations. It can be easy to slip into bad habits when you are feeling low. But not getting dressed, poor sleep and drinking too much can only fuel a bad state of mental health. Having a set routine – even something simple, can give your life some structure as you come to terms with your new living situation. Make sure that getting outside forms a part of your daily routine too. Fresh air can really help to clear your mind and de-stress, so a short walk, a run or sitting in your garden can help.

There are going to be many challenges ahead. Try to count your blessings and celebrate the small wins that you encounter to help you remain positive. Anxiety or self-doubt is very common after going through a separation, but recognising those moments where you overcome difficulties will help to maintain and hopeful outlook.

Now is the time to look forward. Evaluate what you want from the next few weeks, months and years. Setting yourself some goals or booking events to look forward to can help you to keep plodding on through the testing days and give you a sense of achievement. This is your future now to plan out as you wish.

Legal Advice on Your Divorce

Whether you are considering a divorce and need some guidance on where to start or are already separated and ready to move forward, our Divorce Lawyers at Lamb Brooks can help you understand your options and prepare you for the process. Our team can advise you on all aspects of your separation, including the legal process, arrangements for children, financial agreements, splitting property and protecting yourself and your family for the future.

We offer an initial Fixed Fee discovery meeting where you can speak to an experienced Divorce Lawyer and determine where you stand. From there, our team can guide you through the entire process of divorce and see that you exit the other side with the best possible outcome.

Please call 01256 844888, email enquiries@lambbrooks.com or speak to our online chat assistant at any time of day.