When a relationship comes to an end, usually both parties can go their separate ways and very rarely cross paths again. If you live in the same town, you might occasionally bump into one another at the supermarket, perhaps, but when people have children together, many years of contact, discussions and co-parenting will follow.
For some, co-parenting goes relatively smoothly but for others, disputes, disagreements and stressful times will unfortunately occur time and time again.
Handovers can be a common issue for separated parents as emotions can run high when faced with one another. There are also concerns of children transitioning from one home to another and adjusting which can make both parents and children feel anxious.
In this blog, our Family Law Team at Lamb Brooks share 5 simple tips for a smooth and peaceful handover between separated parents.
#1 Have Clear Arrangements
If possible, try to stick to a simple, regular pattern of contact and handovers. For example, keeping the drop off or pick up time the same every week – this will help avoid any confusion and also keeps children in a routine. It is important for everyone to be on the same page about times, places and arrangements. You could use tools such as family apps or shared calendars to keep organised. Avoid last minute changes or letting the other person down as this can cause friction and frustration.
#2 Be On Time
It is important for both parents to try their best to be on time for collections and drop offs. Be respectful of the other person’s time and try not to leave them waiting. If relationships are strained, then being late can cause further issues and can also impact on children if they feel that their lateness will upset the receiving parent or feel like they are not important to be picked up on time. Always send a courtesy text or make a phone call if you are running late.
#3 Complete a Checklist
Often children will take various belongings between both households. If you have children that stay overnight for periods of time it is important to ensure that they have everything they need to take with them or return before the handover. Things being left behind can cause additional stress on the co-parenting relationship. Do a quick check before leaving the house or make sure a bag is packed before drop offs. Be sure to double check things like school uniforms, footwear, equipment or clothing needed for sports or clubs, homework, electronic devices and chargers.
#4 Avoid Arguments
Ensure that children are protected from overhearing arguments and heated discussions during drop offs. Try to keep conversations very minimal, by just passing over any important information relating to the child or children at drop offs. If you do need to have a discussion that has the potential to become a dispute, then organise another time to have the conversation over the phone or away from your children.
#5 Think About Body Language
You can still pass on negativity and anxiety to your children by the way you conduct yourself at handovers. Crossed arms, raised voices, facial expressions or slamming doors etc. can all make a lasting impact. Try to be relaxed and positive, showing that you can be civil and kind to one another.
#6 Don’t Take Risks
One of the most painful and triggering things that separated parents can do is to turn up for drop offs with a new partner unannounced. Blindsiding is unfair and spiteful, it is always best to have discussions before this occurs.
#7 Be Mindful
A successful parental relationship can be achieved if both parties are respectful of one another. For example, children being dropped off on time, bathed and homework completed on a Sunday evening ready for school the next day will be much appreciated. In comparison, children being dropped off late, unfed and missing their school shoes will cause stress and anxiety. Regardless of your personal feelings towards each other, it is important to be mindful of how your drop off will affect your children and the week ahead.
#8 Support Relationships
It is important to nurture positive relationships between your children and your ex-partner. Regardless of your personal opinions and feelings towards them. If your child suffers from separation anxiety or struggles to leave you or their other parent at handovers, then ensure you are encouraging, understanding and mindful of their feelings. Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent or using negative language. It might seem harmless to say things like “Mummy is going to be really sad and miss you” or “I wish you didn’t have to go” – but this could be interpreted negatively by your child and leave them worried or upset. A pre-arranged call to the absent parent, during the course of the overnight/weekend visit may also help the child with any separation anxiety they are experiencing.
Smooth Handovers
Developing a happy, smooth handover will greatly benefit your children and both parents. But it can take time to get yourself into a routine and on good, civil terms with an ex-partner. Handovers don’t need to be long friendly conversations, but a quick, efficient handover of key information with positive body language and a farewell between the child and departing parent.
A good handover is an opportunity to show your children that despite being separated, both parents are agreeable, civil and care about their wellbeing.
Family Legal Advice
Whether you need some guidance on separation or divorce or are having issues with child contact arrangements – our friendly and understanding team of solicitors can help you to find a peaceful way forward.
Please do not hesitate to contact us on 01256 844888, email enquiries@lambbrooks.com or speak to our online chat assistant at any time of day.
Other articles you may be interested in reading:
Talking to your Teenager About Divorce
Introducing a New Partner to Your Children
Everything You Need to Know About No-Fault DivorceWhen Can a Contact Centre Help Your Family
The contents of this article are for the purposes of general awareness only. They do not purport to constitute legal or professional advice. The law may have changed since this article was published. Readers should not act on the basis of the information included and should take appropriate professional advice upon their own particular circumstances.
