December is here and as children’s excitement grows, it is important for separated families to make sure they have their arrangements sorted in good time to avoid any last-minute disputes or risk spoiling the Christmas magic for the children.
The days leading up to Christmas can be very busy and stressful for parents as it is, let alone trying to navigate shared time with the children over the festive period.
1. Plan Early
We always recommend that separated parents need to plan ahead when it comes to special occasions. That way everyone knows where they stand, including the children. Having an advanced plan gives plenty of time for conversations to be had and if an agreement can’t be reached, it leaves more time for negotiations or legal advice if required. Don’t leave it until a few days before!
2. Be Fair and Reasonable
It can be difficult to split time perfectly equally between both parents – especially when you add in work commitments, travel and extended family plans. But it is important to try your best to keep the contact arrangements as fair as possible so that children get to enjoy time with both parents and grandparents over Christmas. Not every year may seem ‘fair’ but it is important to remember that the following year may swing more in your favour.
3. Have a Rota
If you don’t already have a yearly rota for Christmas arrangements, it might be worth considering putting something in place. Many separated families alternate between Christmas Day and Boxing Day so that children get to spend quality time with both parents each year. If you can find an arrangement that works for you which could be switched around each year, it saves a lot of time and stress sorting out plans and you can book in advance or make plans with your extended family accordingly.
4. Always Put the Children First
Make sure that you are not overlooking what is best for the children when making your Christmas arrangements. Depending on the ages of your children, you might wish to discuss the plans with them to get their feedback, however, it is vital not to involve them in any disputes that you have with their other parent, or to inadvertently manipulate them about spending time with them.
5. Remain Calm
If the separation is still quite fresh or you do not have an amicable relationship with your ex-partner, then it is important to approach conversations around Christmas contact carefully and calmly. Make plans early if you anticipate there to be some disagreements. Avoid arguing, raising voices or bringing up the past. Think about which method of contact will work best in your situation. Some people are better having face-to-face conversations, others may feel more comfortable making arrangement over the phone, email or text.
6. Prepare to be Flexible
Christmas can be a difficult time to fit everything in, particularly when people have large or complicated family situations. Being adaptable can go a long way when negotiating any kind of plans with an ex-partner. Allowing some extra time or offering to help out with drop offs and pick ups can result in some goodwill, which, in turn, can make arrangements for next year, or other special occasions much easier.
7. Think Outside the Box
Adopt the ’12 days of Christmas’ mentality. Christmas is not all about the 25th December. There are lots of activities and traditions that families can enjoy in the run up to Christmas, following the big day and into the New Year. Children of school or nursery age tend to break up a week before Christmas and there is a lot of time to fill. If you are not spending Christmas with your children, then think about making some other special arrangements.
8. Discuss Gifts
If you buy separate gifts to your ex-partner, it is a sensible idea to discuss Christmas presents for the children ahead of time. This can help to avoid buying duplicate gifts and ensure that items on your child’s wish list can be divided out. It is important that both parties aren’t trying to ‘out-do’ each other by spoiling children at Christmas, and whilst it can be tempting to go mad with piles of presents, it is important to know that children will rarely be able to recall who brought them what gifts in years to come. It is more important that they feel secure, loved and have a fun time at both households.
9. Peaceful Handovers
If you are dropping off or picking up children over the festive period, ensure that this goes smoothly to avoid upsetting children. It is important to be on time, have children ready and prepared. Make sure you are both clear on times and locations for collection / drop offs and make sure that you handover amicably without children witnessing any arguments.
10. Know the Legal Situation
Some separated parents will have a court order that stipulates contact arrangements any special contact arrangements, which may include Christmas, birthdays or religious celebrations. It is worth checking the document so that you understand what the arrangements should be. If you don’t have a formal agreement and struggle to see your child fairly, then you might want to consider putting something in place.
When Christmas isn’t ‘Merry and Bright’
If you are struggling to find common ground and agree on plans, then you might need a little help to reach a workable agreement. A well thought out, fair plan that sits comfortably with both parents and the children will make for a less stressful Christmas all round.
If you have a difficult ex-partner or are finding yourself unable to negotiate your child contact plans with Christmas around the corner, then please do not hesitate to get in touch with our Family Law Team.
Whilst legal advice might not have been something on your Christmas list this year, it can help to give you peace of mind, understand your rights and ensure that you are able to see your children at such a sentimental time of year.
Call our Family Lawyers on 01256 844888, email enquries@lambbrooks.com or speak to our online chat assistant who can take your initial details and arrange for someone to call you back.
The contents of this article are for the purposes of general awareness only. The do not purport to constitute legal or professional advice. The law may have changed since this article was published. Readers should not act on the basis of the information included and should take appropriate professional advice upon their own particular circumstances.