Splitting the holidays after separation? Keep it child-focused with our tips including what to do when that becomes difficult.
For parents who are separated or divorced, the festive season can be especially sensitive. While Christmas often brings joy and celebration, it can also evoke strong emotions and logistical issues regarding where children will stay and how finances will be handled. The key to preventing conflict is to plan ahead, keep conversations child-centred, and stay flexible as the holiday draws near.
Plan Early and Stay Organised
It is wise to start discussions about Christmas contact before December. Beginning early enables both parents to organise travel, family visits, and holiday activities without last-minute stress. Many families find it useful to confirm arrangements in writing, either by email or through a parenting communication app like OurFamilyWizard or 2 Homes. A clear written record can prevent misunderstandings and offer reassurance to both parents.
Keep the Focus on the Children
Decision-making should try and centre on what is best for the children rather than what might feel “fair” to each parent. Children benefit from consistency, low stress, and the opportunity to enjoy meaningful time with both sides of their family. Avoid putting them in the position of having to choose where to go or whom to spend Christmas with. A collaborative tone helps foster the sense of stability children need during an emotionally charged time of year.
Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise
Few families have the same priorities, so compromise is necessary. Many parents take turns celebrating Christmas each year, while others split the day or share the broader school holidays.
For example:
- Alternating years: One parent has the children for Christmas Day one year, and the other the following year.
- Dividing the day: Children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one parent, and Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other.
- Dividing the holidays: Each parent takes one week of the school break, alternating annually.
If geography makes sharing the day difficult, consider establishing a “second Christmas” on a different date, ensuring both parents can celebrate with the children in a relaxed manner.
Coordinate Gifts and Expectations
Financial pressures can increase in December, especially when parents are buying gifts separately. It is helpful to agree on a budget and share information about what each parent plans to buy. This prevents duplication, overspending, or competitive gift-giving, which can cause unnecessary stress on children and finances. Grandparents and extended family might also need to be kept informed to ensure consistency.
Establish New Traditions
While separation often changes how Christmas looks, it does not have to lessen the sense of occasion. Creating new traditions can help children adapt and look forward to different celebrations. Whether it is a movie night, a special meal, or an outing during the time spent together, these rituals can help everyone feel secure and positive about the arrangements.
If You Cannot Agree
Even with goodwill, some parents struggle to agree on festive contact. In such cases, there are a few options:
- Mediation: A neutral mediator can assist both parties in exploring solutions and reaching an agreement peacefully. We work with a number of reputable mediators and we are happy to make a referral on your behalf.
- Solicitor negotiation: A family law solicitor can communicate on your behalf and help put together a parenting plan.
- Court order (in the last resort): If all other options have been exhausted, an application can be made to the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order. This should however be regarded as a final measure, as it can be lengthy and costly, and there is no assurance that a decision will be made before Christmas. The court will determine its decision based on the child’s welfare.
Financial Considerations
Beyond contact arrangements, separated parents should also consider festive spending. Costs for gifts, clothing, or travel can rise, and many separated families find December particularly challenging. Early discussions about who will pay for what—especially where maintenance payments are involved—can help prevent disagreements. If financial circumstances have changed significantly, it might be possible to review maintenance through negotiation, mediation, or, when necessary, the Child Maintenance Service.
A Cooperative Christmas
Christmas can be emotionally difficult for separated families, but with careful planning and a cooperative attitude, it can also be a time of reassurance and joy for children. The key is to concentrate on what matters most—their happiness and wellbeing—rather than dwelling on old disagreements. Parents who approach arrangements early and constructively are much more likely to enjoy a peaceful and memorable festive season for everyone involved.
For further advice, please do not hesitate to contact a member of our friendly Family team on 01256 844 888.
This article was originally written by LawNet and has been republished here with permission.